Let’s first make sure we’re on the same page- you do you as a parent. Be proud of your choices!
Navigating Conversations About Body Image With Kids
Deciding what is appropriate for your child to wear can be challenging, especially for a mom who has a negative body image. My eight-year-old LOVES wearing crop tops. She would wear them every day if she could. I didn’t buy them because I thought they were inappropriate. We received them deep down in a bag of hand-me-downs and I didn’t even know we had them. She came out of the bedroom one weekend and at first, I thought, she looks SO cute. And then I thought, wait, are eight-year-olds even allowed to wear them? Wait, should her belly show? Wait, why am I even questioning this. On and on and on.
I totally spiraled and crashed; I had no idea what to think. This was a big parenting moment for me. What was I going to do and was it really a big deal!? Don’t get me wrong, I DO NOT want my child walking around showing everything. But allowing your child to have an opinion and learn how to communicate that opinion is a gift.
I traveled down this thought process…why is it inappropriate? Because I’ve been told that my entire life. What is actually inappropriate- for my culture and religion, nothing. Is it distracting to boys? That’s their problem. So why is it inappropriate? I now have no idea. I kept going to “Why” until I couldn’t come up with an answer. Of course, I don’t want pictures posted on the internet where some creep could find them, but I had no real reason why not.
Why I’m Letting My Child Wear Crop Tops
When it comes to crop tops, allowing your child to wear one can be a contentious issue. However, maybe luckily, or maybe not, there are several reasons why it is perfectly acceptable to let your child wear crop tops, or whatever else they want (of course within your house/school dress code rules, but I would encourage you to start a conversation as early as possible about choices!)
As you think through this, if there are strong feelings coming up, I invite you to sit with those feelings. Where are they coming from? Do they have anything to do with your child or are you projecting on them? Having a therapist or trusted unbiased friend to guide you may be helpful.
Allowing your child (and no this isn’t just about girls) to wear what they want can help them develop a positive body image. We all know and accept how important it is for children to feel comfortable in their own skin and embrace their bodies. A child can learn to love their body and not feel ashamed or self-conscious. This is especially beneficial as they enter adolescence and become more aware of their appearance and the pressures of society’s beauty standards. When we give children the tools they need and guide them instead of telling them what to think, a beautiful thing starts to happen: confidence! Along the short eight years I’ve been parenting four children and 20 years I’ve been working with youth, I’ve picked up a few helpful conversation tools listed below.
Conversation Tools You Can Use
Instead of: I don’t like that outfit on you, Say: I can tell you really love wearing that outfit, tell me how it makes you feel.
Instead of: I wouldn’t wear that, Say: I noticed you are wearing a new outfit! I would love to know how you put that together and what inspired you to make those really creative choices.
Instead of: The shirt is too short, Say: I notice that you’re adjusting your clothing a lot. Is it distracting to you?
This can also allow you to have a deeper conversation about appropriate clothing for different occasions and settings, and this can be done without restricting self-expression and personal style. As with any parenting decision, it is important to weigh the pros and cons and make the decision that feels right for you and your family.
