Rainbows and Butterflies: Losing My Best Friend to Lupus

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for Srijana
By Heather Rose Artushin

A butterfly with pink wings flutters to a spray of pink flowers.When the butterfly landed,

spreading its pink wings across your 

glowing skin, 

kissing your cheeks,

the invisible internal battle began

silently.

 

What makeup covered made

doctors wonder,

when silky black strands of hair 

fell,

exhaustion slowing your 

youthful rhythm.

 

The light dimmed,

weight withering, though

your smile would never fade.

Soon pain gripped your joints,

legs swelled, stairs like 

climbing Everest 

the night before you flew.

 

When the butterfly gave you

wings, I wanted to fly too,

stay with you. 

Instead the tears poured like rain,

the rainbow you painted in the sky 

a promise – 

you will always make my life 

beautiful.

A doctor holds up a purple ribbon for lupus awareness.My best friend in college was a beautiful person, inside and out, who immigrated to the United States with her parents from Nepal when she was a child. We were both psychology majors, then went to graduate school to become clinical social workers, both fiercely passionate about helping children and families.

When she was diagnosed with Lupus, after a string of mysterious symptoms and countless doctor visits with various specialists, I was shocked. But she told me that plenty of people live with this autoimmune disease and that with the right medication, she would be just fine. I wish that was true. When Lupus attacked her kidneys, and then her heart, shortly after we graduated from the MSW program, finally foraying into our careers, her life was cut terribly short. I was devastated — I still am.

When I became a mom, I couldn’t stop thinking about what an incredible mom she would have been, how much I wanted her to meet my children, and how they would have loved the “auntie” they’ll never have a chance to meet.

Lupus affects 1.5 million people in the United States, 90% of whom are women. The majority of these women are women of color — people of African, Asian, and Native American descent. I can only imagine how many other women are out there right now, missing their mom, aunt, or sister who lost their battle with Lupus, or who are walking with a friend through the ups and downs of flare-ups and doctor visits.

This May, Lupus Awareness Month, let’s do something about the ways that women’s health, especially for women of color, is often neglected, hidden, and disenfranchised. Let’s raise awareness, share our stories, and support organizations like the Lupus Foundation of America to put an end to this mysterious disease.