Who Are You?

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Who are you? That can be a tough question, right?! It’s complicated by the fact that the answer changes over time. I know my answer has changed over the years, and I’m sure it will continue to change in the coming years.

When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be a teacher because I really liked writing on a chalkboard. I’m sure glad I abandoned that path, because now there aren’t even chalkboards in classrooms anymore! Then I wanted to be a veterinarian…but when I realized you had to give animals vaccines, it sounded scary and I was out! In junior high I decided I wanted to be a talk show host. I ended up going the TV news route, and now work in corporate life, but the talk show is still on my list of things to do – along with writing a book about my daughter’s journey in the NICU.

What determines who you are…or who you become?

But, does what you want to do or what you currently do for a living determine WHO you are? Does your job or your dream define you? No, I don’t think so. I think who you are may help determine what you do, but that’s not always the case either.

So, how do you figure out who you are? I think the answer is to get to know yourself, think about things, and really decide who you are now, and who you want to be. What do you want people to think of when they hear your name? What do you want to pop into someone’s head when they see your name written, or when they run into you somewhere? How do you envision yourself?

Determining who you are and really believing in yourself can help you be the best at whatever it is you desire. It seems that the level of discomfort pops in when we’re not being who we know we can be, or who we think we are and someone else has a different perception.

While people do evolve over time, I really believe that at the core, there are a lot of similarities between your childhood self and who’s hiding inside now. The best part is that as an adult, you have the benefit of both education and experience to help you bring the best parts of childhood you to life now and fit into the current version of yourself.

Going back to the basics

Think back to the things you liked doing, the games you enjoyed, the people you surrounded your self with, your “when I grow up” goals, and watch what your children (if applicable) do now that you find to be interesting. When are you happiest? What fulfills you? What really leaves you feeling empty or sad or bored?

Another interesting idea is to write down what you want to do/be and how you want to spend your time in one column, and then in a second column write down who you are now, and how you’re spending your time and resources. If those two columns look completely different, it’s time to make some changes. You should never have to feel like you’re at odds with who you are and who you want to be. If your columns are different, don’t stress. You can change something everyday, just take it one day at a time! There are definitely parts of my columns that are very different.

I used to be very fit, and now I’m not. It bothers me that it’s not part of who I am anymore, so I’m making changes to get that piece of myself back!

I also worry that I’m not getting the book about my daughter’s story done fast enough (she’s almost two!), but I have to cut myself a break. I’m doing it. I have close to fifty pages so far. So what if it’s taking me longer than I wanted.

There are other parts of my columns that match really well. I always wanted to be a good mom and spend as much time with my baby as I can, and I’m doing that. I work a full-time job, but I hang out with my daughter every moment I can and we do lots of fun things on weekends.

Don’t be hard on yourself if your want to do/be column and your who are you now column are different. Know that you can change things as slowly or as quickly as you want. You are in control… even if it feels like life is happening around you or to you! I promise, you have the power in your life, and you can be whoever you want to be!

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Stephanie Feals
Stephanie is an only child, married to an only child, raising an only child! Stephanie and her husband (Brian) are Pittsburghers at heart, but made the move to Charleston in ’08 after moving around the country. Stephanie has a background in television, and has a (not so secret) dream to start a talk show and to publish books. She’s currently working on her first book and recently started a blog, called Speaking of Today (https://speakingoftoday.com), with her friend and fellow mom Dawn. Stephanie loves to spend every spare second with her daughter Kennedy. Kennedy was born 12 weeks early and spent the full 12 weeks in the hospital. Thankfully Kennedy is totally healthy, but the experience of being a preemie mom certainly changed Stephanie’s life! She looks forward to sharing stories of mommyhood with the Charleston Moms Blog readers.