Yes, I really am asking you how your sex life is doing. A lack of energy for intimacy with their partners is one of the top complaints I hear from my life-coaching clients. When we are feeling burnt out in our jobs, or our lives in general, our libido is one of the first things to go.
I hear complaints range from, “I want to have sex, but I’m just too tired,” to, “I have absolutely no desire for sexual intimacy.” While age, life stage, and illness can all lead to a lack of sex drive, stress is more often than not the culprit.
Is your busy life getting in the way of your sex life?
Does this scenario sound familiar to you?
It’s 10:00 PM.
You are finally able to settle down into bed after a long day of wrangling kids, fighting traffic to and from work, too many workplace “to-dos” to possibly get done…
and your sweetheart starts to cuddle you.
You know where this is going.
You want to please them and you know it’s important to your relationship.
Buuutttt… all you can think about is that you are bone-tired AND you have to get up and do it all again tomorrow.
You are not alone! According to Dr. Risa Kagan, GYN, “1 in 3 women will experience a low sex drive” at some point in their lives. And more and more these women are young, busy parents.
If you are one of the women who is resonating with this, please do not get down on yourself. You need to ask yourself how you feel about the current state of your sex life. Ask yourself two things:
Does my sex life matter to me?
Does our sex life matter to my partner?”
If you and your partner do not feel like you are lacking sexual intimacy, in spite of how often studies or the media say the “average couple” are having sex, you are fine.
On the other hand, if you and your partner feel like your sex life is lacking, it’s time to take a look at how you are living your life. More specifically, is your life so busy that you are too tired and/or too stressed to have the type of sexual intimacy you and your partner would like to have?
How busy is too busy?
If you are falling into bed every weeknight exhausted…
If your weekends are so full of soccer games, gymnastics meets, birthday parties, and family get-togethers that you are falling into bed exhausted…
YOU ARE TOO BUSY!
If you get to the end of your day feeling like you have been going non-stop, but you are not sure what you accomplished, you are too busy!
If your response is, “Yeah right. Like I have time for that,” when someone mentions the words self-care or nurture, you are too busy!
If you are not feeling connected with your spouse or partner because you barely see each other and when you do all you talk about is the kids or work complaints, you are too busy!
And yes, if that lack of connection extends into the bedroom and you are not feeling fulfilled by your sex life, you are too busy!
What to do about it
I have been blessed to be able to help guide women in getting off the hamster wheel of busy-ness and learn to live with meaning, purpose, and joy.
By ditching their Hurry and Worry lifestyles, and learning to prioritize the things that are most important to them, these women not only deepen their connection with themselves, but they also find that they do have the time and energy to deepen their connections with their partners – and have more and better sex!
Here are some things to try:
- Pick one weekend each month that your family will not do anything besides rest and relax. This starts on Friday after work.
- If you have young children see if you can farm them out to family or friends for an overnight on a Saturday night. If not, it’s okay. They will go to bed eventually 😉
- Have your meals be easy – order pizza, bring home subs, etc.
- Don’t worry about picking-up or doing anything but minimal chores.
- Get some fun, energizing activity in – take a walk, a bike ride, or a hike. Just don’t overdo it so that you are overly tired.
- Be romantic. Snuggle and cuddle. Hold hands. If the kids want in on it, that’s okay. But, make sure they understand that the parents need their own snuggle time too.
- Head to bed early – even if the kids are at the grandparents’ house! It may seem like it’s fun to binge-watch Netflix with your sweetie. But, by the time midnight rolls around you will probably be too tired for sex.
- Talk to each other. Talk about sex. Talk about what you like. Be reminiscent of the “old days” – AKA before kids!
To Your Joy-Filled Life!