Welcome to Jenna’s Advice Column! Are you going through a rough patch with your partner? Do you have a dilemma at work that’s keeping you up at night? Are you in a fight with your best friend? Share your story and we’ll figure it out together . . .
*Please note that the advice shared in this article is based solely on the author’s point of view.
Co-Worker Drama
Q: I recently got promoted at my company. I’m glad about the promotion and the raise but now I’m supervising friends that I used to work alongside. Some of them have been rude to me and act blatantly jealous. How do I handle my new role, deal with their attitude, and remain friends? Is that even possible?!
A: I’m sorry to hear that your friends aren’t taking your promotion very well. They aren’t acting like friends at all, actually. A real friend is happy for you when something good occurs in your life. A real friend puts aside her own pride and supports you in your win. Your co-workers’ reaction to your promotion is showing their true colors. They’re not your friends. It’s best to ignore their attitudes.
You can use this bad behavior to your advantage, though. Believe it or not, they’re making it easier for you to transition into your new role. As their supervisor, you’ll need to establish a new set of boundaries now that you’re a rung higher than them on the corporate ladder. You’re not one of the gang anymore. Their coolness is creating a natural chasm in your friendship that is required for healthy manager/worker relationships.
The emotional distance between you and them will help you remain professional. You’ll feel better delegating tasks to them as your workers versus them as your friends. You’ll be less likely to gossip about office politics or commiserate about a heavy workload with that detachment as a safeguard. Over time they may warm up to you as their new boss but you will have already formed those firm boundaries by then, thanks in part to their brattiness. Mission accomplished!
I recommend you find a trusted mentor at your workplace, someone you can confide in about your struggles transitioning from co-worker to superior. Chances are they’ve been in your same position and may have some wisdom to share.
As for remaining friends with your co-workers: I wouldn’t count on this happening. They’ve already proven themselves as fair-weather friends. I imagine you have plenty of real friends outside your workplace who want to see you succeed and crush it in your career. Surround yourself with those kinds of people when you’re not working your 9-5.
Cookie Clash
Q: While helping my daughter’s troop at a cookie sale, I made a flippant comment, resulting in another mother not speaking to me anymore. Over. Girl. Scout. Cookies. It was my fault for making an ambiguous comment that she misinterpreted, but when she pressed me for an explanation, she would not accept it or forgive me. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt by listening to their explanations and accepting their apologies. It’s hard for me to accept that she won’t do the same for me. I’m having a hard time swallowing the fact that she doesn’t like me anymore. What should I do about this?
A: It stinks that your offhand comment created so much drama between you and this other mom. Imagine how she would’ve reacted if you’d intentionally meant to offend her! It sounds like she has a very short fuse. I’m guessing you’re not the first person she’s dropped as a friend after a minor disagreement.
I wonder why she bothered asking you for an explanation if she wouldn’t hear it, accept it, or forgive you for it? Sure, you probably shouldn’t have made this flippant comment in the first place, but she’s guilty of reading way too much into it.
Like you, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I’m open to hearing their side of the story when we have conflicting opinions or differing interpretations of events. I’ll listen to their apology and accept it if it’s genuine. Why not? We’re all human and make mistakes, and say dumb things we regret sometimes. It’s senseless for a friendship to end over something so trivial unless it was a trivial friendship in the first place.
A real friend should accept that you’re not perfect. A real friend should appreciate your apology and the vulnerability it takes to offer one. It’s not a comfortable thing to do but is a sign of respect for the person and the relationship. Your friend’s utter refusal to hear you out and work through this issue shows how little she values you as a friend. You deserve better.
Perhaps time will soothe you both between now and next year’s cookie sale season. In the meantime, concentrate on cultivating friendships with people who share your communication style and respect for others. Maybe you and your mom friend will make amends and patch up the friendship, but if not, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.
