I know, I know. Everyone wants a mom friend that doesn’t judge them if they wear sweatpants to the playground. Who wants to drink wine during a play date. Who doesn’t care if your house is a mess. All of those qualities are great! I want those things in a mom friend too. But I need more.
At this point in my life (almost 32 with two little kids), I’ve made my fair share of friends. There are the lifelong friends, the friends that you make that last a very specific season of your life, the acquaintances that you simply friend on Facebook, the friends that aren’t really friends, and friends that you feel like you’ve known your whole life.
Mom friends are a special breed of friends. They get it. They can sympathize, empathize, celebrate, and lament. But they can also be so wrapped up in their own chaos that a relationship outside of their own family unit seems impossible to maintain. Those aren’t the mom friends I want.
I want a mom friend who can commit. I understand (and appreciate!) cancelling a play date because your kid is sick. But cancelling because it’s too hot, or your kid woke up too late…ugh. If we make plans, let’s stick to them! If our kids are disasters because they didn’t get to take a nap at their usual time, let’s power through it together! I’d much rather be with a good girlfriend while my kid is having a meltdown than being by myself. To me, a good mom friend values your time and tries her best to follow through on commitments, even if they interrupt nap time.
I want a mom friend who goes deep. Sometimes I get sick of talking about potty training and bedtimes. Let’s talk about your career. What your life was like before you had kids. What you’re stressed out about. The news. Anything that’s not so surface level. I think the positive energy you feel after spending time with a good girlfriend comes from some stimulating conversation and connecting in that way.
I want a mom friend who is up for anything. Candle making class? Ok! Beach play date? Sure! Family trip to the mountains? Sounds fun! It’s not always easy to get a babysitter, and it’s not always easy to pack up all of your baby gear for a trip, but in the end, these out of the ordinary experiences are what memories are made of.
I want a mom friend that sees me. Sees when I’m struggling to wrangle two kids and just steps in to help. Sees when I need support professionally and vows to do anything to help. Sees when I desperately need a girls night out and gets one organized. Checks in when the baby is sick because they genuinely care. She’s someone who I can count on.
Maybe that’s just it! Maybe the kind of mom friend that I want is someone that I can count on. Someone I can count on to RSVP to a birthday party on time, to come with me to an event that no one else wants to go to, to travel with, to love my kids, to be there for me when it matters the most. And that’s exactly the type of mom friend I want to be too. Someone you can count on.