The arguing…the stress…the frustration. Why is marriage so hard?
Marriage is a sacred bond between two people, but sometimes those two people struggle. It is normal. It is part of being human. To have two completely different minds with different thoughts, ideas, and feelings doing life together, you are bound to have problems. Here are some ways to help you when you’re in the midst of problems, ways to prevent them, and how to move forward after disagreements.
Navigating Problems in Marriage
Remember why you fell in love with them in the first place.
You picked them and they picked you, too. Do you remember why? That first thing that drew you into that person you’re doing life with…remember that? It can be hard to do, especially after many years together and all of the challenges life brings, but whatever that thing about them that made you fall hard is, go back to that and keep it front and center in your mind in times of trouble in your marriage.
Spend some time together, alone.
Find time alone, look each other in the eyes again, and have conversation… or whatever you choose to do. As parents, this can be difficult. But it’s not impossible in most relationships. Try to carve out some time for each other at some point during the week. Maybe when the kids go to bed at night or even wake up a few minutes earlier in the morning? Whatever you have to do, find the time. This will help prevent burnout, resentment, and help you reconnect with your spouse. You may have to get creative, but you can make it work.
Remember your purpose as a couple and as a team.
Being married is a big deal. It comes with responsibility, especially if you have children together. You have more than yourselves to worry about, which may have already been hard to do before you were parents. Your children depend on you, but you also depend on each other. It’s the same concept in sports: when someone is down on the team, it’s your duty to help them up. If your partner is dealing with something that may be making your marriage hard, meet them where they are and help them.
Celebrate each other.
Acknowledge every milestone and anniversary both as a couple and as individuals. Wedding anniversary, the day you first met, the anniversary of buying your first house together...so many things to celebrate! Remember how far you’ve come through certain obstacles. What is something you and your spouse accomplished together? Whether it was a big or small thing, discuss it with each other. Bringing up memories can help you see that you two can get things done together.
Remember there is no perfect person.
Give your spouse some grace! We all make mistakes and fall short sometimes…some more often than others. Try to look at the good things your spouse brings to the table instead of focusing on the bad. (I know it’s hard when they’ve really made you mad) but thinking of something positive will help shift your mindset when you have disagreements and keep them from spiraling into something worse.
For the mamas struggling in their marriages right now, know you are not alone. Marriage is hard…it just is. I hope your marriage can be rescued and thrive!
