A Letter to My Chosen Family


Dear Chosen Family,

I miss y’all. So much! Remember the days when we were together. All. The. Time? Long Saturdays at the pool? Sunday Fundays in the backyard? Weekend getaways to the beach or the mountains? The days when the kids had nothing to do but be with us? The days when they would all play together and share similar interests? I think we always knew those days would come to an end, but we somehow thought we were close enough to win against the inevitable. To continue to force our very strong-minded children to only love what we loved and only want to be with who we wanted to be with. We honestly never thought about the years when they weren’t so little and how that would change our relationships.

Somewhere along the way, our babies became toddlers. And our toddlers became children. And our children became tweens and teens. So now we move in 100 different directions. Different sporting events. Different theatrical performances. Different dance competitions. Different school awards ceremonies. We pass each other on the street going from one event to the next but never traveling the same path. We wave. We text. We steal a quick conversation in the grocery store or on the bike path. We try and we try and we try to plan days and times to get together. But then a kid has different plans. Or different hardships. Or just another different direction. And so it doesn’t happen. And another day goes by without a get-together. And then a week. And then a month.

But here is what I still believe with every fiber of my being. I know that when I need you all, you will be there. You will drop the football and the Nike Air Force Ones and the theatrical scripts to be by our sides.

And we would do the same for you. In a heartbeat.

And I know that if this get-together doesn’t work out, we will make another one happen soon. And I know that even if weeks go by without a conversation, we will pick up literally where we left off when the time presents itself. Because this has happened. And it fills my heart up to know that no matter how much time has passed, we are still so close.

So, for now, I will relish those small moments. And when those moments are actually hours I will savor every minute.

I am certain that eventually, we will return to a time when we can all be together again on the regular. I know we will go on that adult vacation. And spend afternoons at the beach. We will take those long walks again. And we will have the time to try that new restaurant and attend that annual concert in the park. And at those events, we will laugh over the time we all got sick after our beach vacation. And how many times I lost my children at the Fourth of July Party. We will remember counting heads at the pool each Saturday. And football tailgates. And days on the boat. We will giggle over the night we bonded for the first time through inappropriate commentary and slightly inappropriate behaviors. These future days will be truly wonderful but oh so bittersweet.

Because the people that brought us all together will now be apart from us. And choosing their own chosen families.

I also know we will have new celebrations to bring us even closer…we will celebrate college acceptances and attend all the graduations. We will pass tissues at our childrens’ weddings and hold each other’s grandbabies. So many new adventures await and I am certain we will share all this newness side by side, together, like we did when parenthood was our biggest new adventure.

This separation is just a pause. A moment when circumstances are pulling us in lots of different directions. But our story is not finished. We are just in the middle of the intermission. So looking forward to our second act as I am certain it will be better than the first!