I Get It Now That I’m a Mom


I Get It Now

Five years ago, before becoming a mother, my closest friend called me at 2 AM with a quiver in her voice to say, “It’s positive.” She’d be having her first baby. I was happy for her. I was beyond excited. Despite her nervousness, I knew she’d be an amazing mother. I remember trying to reassure her that everything would be great. I kept thinking about how I’d be there every step of the way because she’s my best friend. We had done everything together, and this was just another moment to add to our list. Our lives wouldn’t change because she’s a mom now, right?

I didn’t get it then, but I get it now that I am a mom. 

I learned that friendships may change after having a little one. It wasn’t something I expected. I expected my life to change in other ways. I expected the exhaustion and learning to multitask. I expected spit up and diaper explosions. But in that very moment, I didn’t foresee that I’d be pulling away from my best friend. 

It wasn’t an immediate change. It was gradual. At first our conversations over the phone began to shorten, and plans would be cancelled. We’d settle for a rain check, but it never came around. I remember I decided to visit her instead. I was excited to finally see her because weeks had passed since we had last spoken. I walked into her home, sat down, and prepared to dish on everything that we’ve missed those past few weeks. But my dear friend was caring for her little princess. 

I would tell my story and she’d interrupt to warm up a bottle. Once she returned I’d try to pick up where I left off, and then she’d ask to watch the baby briefly so she could go to the restroom. I’d try to tell my story again, but now the baby is crying. Eventually, I gave up on telling my story. 

I wasn’t used to seeing my friend in this way. But in that moment, I saw that we now had different worlds. Things that were once hot topics for us became not so important to her. I mean, who cares what Bethany said to Jane when you’ve only slept for two hours the night prior?

I didn’t get it then. But, I get it now that I am a mom. 

Our lives were different. Five years ago, I didn’t know how to be the friend she needed during that new stage of her life. I wanted to go to happy hour and shopping, and I couldn’t understand that she didn’t have the luxury to drop everything to meet me there. Our friendship became distanced. I proceeded to go to happy hours and shopping. I would tell her to come along, bring the baby even. I mean, seriously? How did I not understand all it required to get yourself dressed, your child dressed, AND having to pack this huge diaper bag? 

I didn’t get it then. But, I get it now that I am a mom. 

When I had my son, I said I didn’t want to be that mom. I didn’t want to slowly lose touch with friends that weren’t parents or cancel plans. I said I would still schedule a night out, and we’d continue to do things as normal. But truth is, I haven’t been able to do that. 

9 pm rolls around and I’m in my pajamas. If I do go out with friends, I like to be home before 10 because I’m yawning and exhausted. And no…I don’t want to bring my child with me because when he gets cranky or decides he’s ready for a nap, I’m on HIS time. I then have to make a great escape and promise that we’ll get to do it another time. However, another time is possibly three months away.

Truth is, motherhood takes a lot of time and energy. Therefore, when I finally have the free time, all I really want to do is recoup. My life is no longer the same, and it’s not that simple to jump back into the way it “used to be”. It’s an adjustment. One that I haven’t quite figured out just yet. I can admit. I suck as a friend right now, but it’s not intentional. 

I’m exploring this new role as a mother, and I haven’t found my groove yet. My interests and priorities have changed, and I see why it was a struggle for my best friend back then. We have since rekindled our friendship, but I wish I had just been the company she needed then.

I didn’t get it then. But, I get it now that I am a mom.