“I could never do that. I would get too attached.”
This was a common refrain that I heard from others as we set out on a journey to becoming foster parents. I understand where this statement comes from and I get it – truly, I do. I would be lying if I said that this exact sentiment never crossed my mind while we were doing mountains of the required paperwork to welcome a child into our home.
After our first placement, I knew once and for all that this was not the right attitude to have.
The children who came through our home were here for just a season, but I loved them deeply. I was the one who took them shopping for clothes that fit them, fed them their favorite meal, or helped them bring failing grades up to passing through endless hours at the kitchen table. It may not have been immediate but the truth was that I did grow attached to the kids in my care.
It wasn’t easier for me to let them go just because they weren’t my “real” kids.
I grew attached to them in the best way possible.
For even a short season, I wanted the kids I had the privilege of serving to know that they were adored, cared for, and truly loved. For some, it may have been the first time they had ever experienced having someone care about them in this way.
The truth is that every child deserves someone to love them and to get “too” attached. You should have that ache in your heart when a child leaves because it means that you loved them just the right amount. They deserve everything that you have to offer, even if it’s just for a season.
Here we are, years out from our first experience as foster parents and we have closed our home to future placements. And yet, I still feel deeply attached to the kids that I came to know through this season of our lives. Some are still in contact with us while others aren’t. We may never hear from some of them again.
It’s been years since I held some of them in my arms and yet there is a love that abides beneath the surface when I pray for them, when their birthdays pass, when Christmas morning dawns and I think about how their little faces lit up around the tree. I did get too attached to these kids who were only meant to be in my life for a short season, but I also know that I let those children truly experience what it was like to be loved and wanted.
Maybe they had that experience before and maybe they didn’t. Regardless, they deserved to know that their life mattered when they were with us.
If You Have Been Considering Foster Care
If this is the concern that is keeping you from becoming a foster parent, I would urge you to think about whether you have it in you to attach to a new child. If you do, it is certainly worth it to make sure that the children who are with you for a season feel that they are loved and cherished. Yes, there will be heartbreak when they leave. This is the ultimate goal of foster care: for a child to be reunited with their family. They will come and they will go; some may stay forever, but you never know.
If you find yourself saying that you could never live this foster parenting life, think about it from the child’s point of view: they have lost everything they have ever known. Their family, their home, their clothes, and maybe even their siblings – all of it is stripped away from them in the blink of an eye, often without forethought or planning. They deserve somewhere soft to land where someone will think that the sun rises and sets with them.
If you feel that you would get too attached, you are probably right. And this is precisely what may make you the perfect foster parent.
