I’m a Boy Mom. Stop Asking if I Want a Girl.

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Two of the sweetest little boys hold my hands, while another gently kicks me from within.

One looks up at me and says, “Mommy, you look so beautiful today!” (I had braids in my hair which he had never seen before). My heart melted.

How could anyone tell me life as a mother would not be complete unless I had a little girl?

The Unwelcome Comments

When I discovered my firstborn was going to be a boy every one I told was excited and happy. They told me how the love between a mother and son would teach me about true love. They told me how I would quickly learn the names of every dinosaur, superhero, construction vehicle, and bug. That when my little boy told me he loved me it would feel as if the world stopped turning.

During the gender reveal of my second son the comments went both ways. Some said how great it would be to see a brotherly bond and how much easier it would be because I already had all of the clothes and toys for a little boy. Others began to voice their distaste by telling me I would just have to try for a third or straight out asking if I was disappointed.

With baby boy three making his appearance this September, the opinions I have heard from others are astonishing. Although not meant to be (I hope…), the comments made sound unkind, passive-aggressive, and rude (but maybe it’s just my pregnancy hormones).

When I announced I was expecting another boy, you could automatically see the look of disappointment on others’ faces, without a word crossing their lips. When they did speak up it was less than kind.

“I guess you will have to have four kids now so that you can try for that girl.”

“I bet you are really disappointed it’s another boy.”

“Wow, you sure are going to be outnumbered! You better at least get a girl dog.”

“Did you want it to be a girl instead?”

At first, I was offended and hurt by their words. This little boy deserves as much love and acceptance as any child, no matter his gender. How dare they speak unkindly about this sweet soul they have yet to meet?

I quickly realized every person has their own view on what a “perfect family” looks like. For many it means a boy and girl, others it’s all one gender, and for some only having one child is perfect. No family is better than another. I also reminded myself, no one’s comments can offend me when I remember we are all viewing life through our own lens.

My Boys Are My Greatest Teachers

Being a boy mom has taught me so many lessons over the past four years.

  • I have learned boys have feelings too and they should be allowed to express them. Boys know how to give genuine compliments focused on more than appearance. They have paternal instincts and can play sweetly with a baby doll. They enjoy helping around the home, especially cooking. They love reading and math. They enjoy creative pursuits and art as much as STEM subjects and athletics.
  • I also learned, getting dirty and being messy is fun. Rough-housing and wrestling is a great way to release pent up anger and frustration. Not every rule is meant to be followed. Taking risks teaches you about yourself. Being fearless provides you with unlimited freedom to live out your dreams. “Careful” is not the best way to live. Injuries happen.
  • They have taught me about love in a way I never knew existed and remind me every day how important it is to love myself on this journey.

I am certain if I was blessed with a little girl I would love her the same and she would teach me lessons of her own. But for now, I am more than satisfied with the amazing men in my life.

If we decide to have or are blessed with another child and it happens to be a girl I would be equally as happy as if it were my fourth little boy. I don’t need to be a mom to a little girl to feel my life is complete, nor does my husband. Which I would guess is the same way the parents of all girls feel. We are not growing our family to have a specific gender. We are growing our family because we love being parents, we love watching our littles grow and flourish into the humans they were meant to be.

I am a boy mom and no, I don’t want a little girl.

What has being a parent to all one gender taught you?

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Holly is a mommy to two, soon to be three, little boys, ages two and four. She works full-time as a clinical pharmacist and indulges her passion for all things pregnancy, birth, and parenting by teaching certified hypnobirthing and mindful breastfeeding courses. You can find her on Instagram sharing her own pregnancy journey along with advice to have the birth and breastfeeding experience of your dreams. Holly and her husband Chris host international Au Pairs to provide in home childcare for their children. In her free time, she enjoys hiking the county parks, spending time at the beach, cooking healthy meals, Barre, Pilates, Yoga, reading, and gardening.