Supermom: a woman who exemplifies the whole motherhood thing.
Maybe she stays at home holding down the fort, turning her kiddos into geniuses through homeschooling. Or she works outside of the house and still has some magical energy that allows her to make dinner and help with homework after she clocks out. Maybe she’s a single mom and is crushing it better than some couples you know.
Either way, most of us know one. Maybe YOU are HER. When I think of Supermom, there is one woman who immediately stands out above the rest.
Becca Ross: A woman who pours herself entirely into the people that she loves most.
This is a series from Charleston Moms that allows our contributors to get parenting advice from the moms who are doing it right . . . and just happen to be their friends! We are looking for moms who are just knocking it out of the park in one area of parenting and asking them how they do it. We hope you enjoy this edition of Mom 2 Mom!
Becca is a Navy wife who has been married for ten and a half years. Their life has been filled with many moves, lots of time apart, and never-ending military challenges. Plus, they have FIVE kids!
I remember her saying to me once over lunch, “We’re going for a baseball team,” and even though she said it in a joking manner, she would be happy with that result. Meanwhile, I’m over here hanging by a thread some days with TWO kids.
Besides the fact that she is an incredible wife and keeps five little humans alive on the daily, she is so wise! So I sat down with her and picked her brain a bit to help the rest of us moms just taking it one day at a time.
What life choices have you made because you are a mother with five kids?
I chose to stay at home with [my kids] because there’s a lot of them, and they need that support. I home school all of them. I love being able to see the moments when they get a concept and be the person to walk them through that. It’s a unique bonding experience. I want to be the person who got them there and also got to see it. We have the flexibility to adjust our schedule to whatever we need, like school vacations at any-time of the year, and it helps with how often we move.
I [also] made the decision to have them start helping with chores at the age of two and three. We need to work as a team to keep the house going. We also minimize [our possessions], and I am intentional about it.
What is the most challenging thing about having multiple kids? How has it changed the way that you parent?
Some of the best advice I’ve gotten was “Just because something isn’t working doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It just means you need to keep going.” It is going to be okay. It just feels frustrating and overwhelming now. Anytime you can reach your child’s heart where you understand them and they understand you [better is helpful]. You know that child better and how to help them in the future . . . . They trust me to take care of them, and it is so humbling.
When multiple children need help at the same time [it is a challenge] for sure. I just verbalize to them it’s this child’s turn, and I will help them in a minute. If they don’t like that, then sometimes they have to sit in time out. It’s a nice, safe place for them to wait.
Another would be trying to make sure everyone feels loved and appreciated, and that they’ve had enough of my attention. Then, [another challenge is] fostering good healthy sibling relationships. Literally, walking them through relationships when I’m not even that good at them sometimes, which is why I’m so glad we have the Bible for guidelines. I really wish I could have had a great relationship with all of my siblings, and so I want to make sure my kids have that.
How has your parenting changed from when you had one to two kids to now having five?
I had to get over the “My kids will never do that.” It’s great to have goals for parenting and things to stick to, but there is a high horse we have to get off when we realize that kids are going to do [things] because kids literally do that. We all have to deal with it.
I shifted from trying to get my kids to “look” good to trying to help my kids just be good people. I try very hard to keep the same type of standards with the younger as I did the older. It’s easy to get away from that, but I want to raise them to try to be the best people they can be. I have become more grace-filled in recognizing that they’re going to make a lot of mistakes for a very long time, and that is okay. It doesn’t define my character or their character. It is just us doing life together. Overall, my expectations of them have shifted to be more realistic expectations.
If you could pinpoint one thing as the “glue” that holds your family together, what would it be?
[That would be my oldest] Sadie. Not entirely, but she does a wonderful job at life, holding us together and being there for everybody. I joke that she is the glue, and I tell her all the time.
Our faith holds us together as a family, too. It is something that we all share, and we support each other in that, and we pray together, read the Bible together, go to church together, and we remind each other what the Bible says. If I didn’t have the Bible, I don’t know how I would do this. I would be a much different parent without Jesus.
You know so well how to give to others, but how do you give back to yourself?
I have a craft room that I utilize when the kids sleep. It’s very therapeutic for me. Sometimes my husband is very nice (he’s always nice), and I get to take the evening off. He takes the kids, and I craft. I take opportunities to run to the store by myself, frequent date nights, and I take the opportunities to go out with friends. I like to be away by myself, but I also like to get away with people. Also, being with my kids is for me. I legit get joy from being with my kids. I have my dream job. But, anyone can come watch them and love on them while I clean if they want.
Becca, thank you for your raw honesty and pure heart. Thank you for reminding us of our constant worth to our child and that everything IS going to be okay. And mostly, thanks for being a part of our village.