Ever feel like every other mom you see “has it together”? Ever get frustrated about why it’s so easy for everyone else but you?
The truth is, no one has it together and we need to stop thinking anyone has it totally figured out.
Recently, I was at our neighborhood park with my kids. My son was riding his balance bike and my daughter was calm in the stroller I was pushing. Another mom at the park said, “Wow. How do you get them to cooperate so well?” I truly didn’t know what to say. I just nervously laughed, then ran after my son — who looked a little too confident getting ready to jump off one of the playground platforms.
The truth is, she didn’t see that I was in my pajamas all morning; the hour it took to get packed up, both kids changed, stroller and bike down the front steps; the meltdown my son had halfway down the street because I wouldn’t let him pet a stray cat, or the time I had to stop in the middle of the street and nurse my daughter.
Then, as I was sitting at Target waiting for my drive-up order to come out (because who can go into Target with two under two?), I caught myself thinking the same of other moms: “Oh wow, she has both kids by herself. That other mom’s son looks so happy sitting in the cart. That other little girl is walking perfectly beside her mom.”
Comparison. Guilt. Frustration.
I thought about the moments in motherhood when I had it together. But then . . . I couldn’t really think of any — not by my standards, at least.
One of my fears is that I’ll be a bad mom. A wise friend once told me that based on the fact that I was worried about it before I was even pregnant, she knew I’d turn out alright. It seems like the unconscious desire to do good is what makes you good . . . not if your kids are well behaved, or if you can make it through a Target trip calmly and smoothly (it’s impossible, don’t tempt fate).
Instead of comparing ourselves to other moms or comparing our kids to other kids, let’s be supportive. Instead of saying “You’re a good mom,” try saying “Your son has such great manners, I’m sure you’re proud of him.” Instead of judging eyes when you see a meltdown in the aisle, offer some encouragement or distraction. Instead of being critical of yourself for not having a home-cooked meal every night, congratulate yourself for having variety in the food you serve.
It’s a battle out there moms. Don’t disarm yourself or others before you even get there.
