I am that mom at events taking pictures and videos with a doofy smile on my face. I try hard to get a good spot, as peeking between heads is just not okay with me. Towards the front or a middle aisle seat is best so I can lean over and take my snapshots for our family memories. Sometimes I’ve been known to move my seat for a better view. I need pictures and videos.
I completely fangirl my two little boys. I can’t seem to chill about it.
As the great Lady Gaga says, “Got my flash on, it’s so true, need that picture of you, it’s so magical.”
I look around and try to temper my excitement to match those surrounding me. I see another older mom looking on at our kids calmly. She’s enjoying the show, but not overly amused, nor needing to snap pictures. I consider the viewpoint of putting the camera down and soaking in the moment with just my eyes instead of needing to document.
But then I look back over at my child, and I can’t stop adoring and feeling the need to record the moment for future family videos. I keep having blips, coming back to the reality of my surroundings, imagining how unchill I must look to others in the room. I think, “Somebody is probably mocking me in their head right now, or annoyed that I’m sitting up taking pictures or video.”
But I can’t stop. Even when my sweet little baby thing is just standing there utterly confused, and only bounces his knees to the music a couple of times. Even when my boy’s attention is less on the soccer ball rolling around him, and more on holding hands with the girl on his team. They don’t have to be good at anything; I love documenting them just the way they are . . . I once heard Lecrae say, “You can bang on pots, and your mama’s gonna think it’s fire.”
I try to be respectful of others while I gawk and fangirl, but I can’t really chill. And I decided I don’t need to. I’m a paparazzi mama; a MAMA-razzi?
“Baby, there’s no other superstar, you know that I’ll be your” mama-mamarazzi.
I cannot stand the thought of missing a practice, a game, a performance, a new experience, a school parade, or even trick-or-treating around the neighborhood. I can’t bring myself to stay home and pass out the candy and miss my kids’ cuteness interacting with our neighbors. I will have a hard time with the day they’re old enough that parents don’t stick around to watch practices — I’ll kick and scream internally at the thought of that level of independence; I’ll try not to be the weird parent who hovers while everyone else drops their kid off.
I don’t know why I’m this way. Maybe it’s more normal than I realize. Or maybe I am a little “extra” in this way . . . maybe it’s because I missed all my boys’ milestones before their second birthdays, so I feel I need to treasure special events extra hard now. They don’t have a ton of moments captured on film from their early days in life due to the nature of their adoptions.
“I’m your biggest fan, I’ll follow you until you love me” — mama-mamarazzi.
It’s not that I don’t want or need breaks in everyday life — I absolutely, 100% do. I can’t “treasure” every waking moment, for the sake of my sanity. I can and need to get some alone time most days. But seeing what they do on their own, in their own little universes apart from our home life, and on special occasions . . . I don’t want to miss any of it. And I can’t NOT get a snapshot of the moment to forever recall what they did, or who they were at this age, in these circumstances.
I’m a paparazzi mama; a MAMA-razzi.
