When my husband and I were first married, I was the one who was the breadwinner. This seemed to suit us well, as Drew was more of a homebody, and I was the social butterfly who loved her job. That doesn’t mean that my husband isn’t a hard worker. He’s currently the breadwinner in our family, and he gives his job everything he has. But deep down, we know that we’d rather trade places.
When I quit my job after Penelope was born four years ago, I was determined to raise her the way my mother had. She stayed at home with me and my two younger brothers until the youngest went off to school. It just seemed like the best way to raise a child, especially if my husband’s income allowed. I couldn’t imagine handing my infant over to someone else for eight hours a day. (And I give big props to the mamas and daddies that do that on a daily basis.)
Staying home has been a gift, but it has also been the most difficult thing I have done. I have slowly realized just how much I care about my independence. I am such a dreamer, thinking about all the things I want to achieve in my life, and so it is hard to keep my feet firmly in the ground because my head is always reaching for the clouds.
This year I have been working on a business plan, teaching yoga classes, meeting fellow entrepreneurs, and researching. I’m doing all of this during my free time when the kids are at school, sleeping, or with a babysitter. In the meantime, I’m also working on advocacy work for common sense gun legislation and making sure that birth centers are an option for families in my state.
For most people, doing all of this and being the main caretaker of two young children would likely drive them insane. But I love being busy. I think that’s why I had such a difficult time when Penelope was first born. I barely knew anyone here in town, and I didn’t feel like I was making a difference in my community. I knew I was doing good, worthwhile work at home, but I needed more. I’m not ashamed to admit that.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not exactly a follower of Sheryl Sandburg’s “Lean In.” It is totally unrealistic, I think, for mothers to “have it all.” It is just impossible when you have children. Something has to give, and sacrifices have to be made. That has been the most difficult thing that I have come to terms with when cultivating my career dreams.
I cannot do everything. I am not a Superwoman. I just have to keep making my to-do lists and crossing off items one at a time. If what I am doing is meant to be, it will happen. And it will only happen with hard work and determination.
Self-care is also so important for women like me. Well, EVERY woman actually. We don’t do that very well, do we? It can be overwhelming to juggle a work schedule on top of a childcare schedule and then try to carve out “me time.” This is a work in progress for me, but I am getting better at it.
I know that if I don’t get exercise, my pent-up energy and stress will bubble up and over at an inopportune time, most likely around the third week of my menstrual cycle. I am making myself find time for a monthly massage, do an hour-long cardio workout once a week, and then attend someone else’s yoga class – because my personal yoga asana practice is nonexistent at the moment (and that’s OK).
This brings me to my next point: when people say that they are looking to balance out their personal or working life, just know it is completely impossible and unrealistic. There is no such thing as being balanced. In our lives, there is a yin and a yang, and one takes precedence over the other during different times of our lives.
Does that make sense?
My yoga background has helped me make peace with this because it is drilled in us in yoga classes or life enrichment classes or whatever that we must reconcile all of our daily tasks and find balance. Impossible. I say, just sit back and let your life unfold, because you are going exactly where you need to go.
I think that is a great lesson that I can pass on to my children. Mommy does love them, to the moon and back, but she also wants to make this world better for them. And that means working outside the home and taking care of myself. I’m letting other people love my children, and I am finding fulfillment in some – not all – aspects of my life at the moment. I am just going with the flow, and I am exactly where I need to be.
