I’m done having babies and I’m not sad about it. Is that wrong to say? Every new milestone for my little boys feels like a little victory. No more diapers? YAY. You can dress yourself? YES! You are going to full day school? YOU ARE SO READY FOR IT! While I’m generally thrilled about my boys growing up, I have always been a little worried that maybe I’d be sad that I’ll never have a little baby again. Or that I would be sad when I see another pregnant mama. I really haven’t.
But there is something I miss.
My sister-in-law just had her first baby. I truly thought that I might get jealous of her pregnancy, all of the exciting attention she was receiving, of her sweet little newborn wrapped in hospital blankets. It wasn’t that. There was something else that made me jealous, and it’s the time that I miss the most.
Do you remember when you came home from the hospital with your first baby and it was just you, your husband and that little tiny baby? That time of just the three of us is the time that I miss the most. The coziness. The centered, undivided attention on your little family of three. The excitement. The nervousness. The feeling that you were a team. The “I’ll do anything for you. What do you need? You’re amazing” time. The “What do we do now that we are home?” feeling. The sense of adventure that was up ahead. The love. The love for this new baby. The stillness. The “This baby is our life” time. The snuggles. UGH. I miss that time.
What I miss the most
When I saw the pictures of my sister-in-law and her husband at home with their new baby for the first time, that’s when I got jealous. That time in your life is just something that you cannot recreate. There’s nothing like it! It is not the same the second time you bring home a baby. When I brought my second son home from the hospital it was chaos. The second time, we were busy, taking care of a toddler, trying to survive. Nothing like the calmness of the first child.
And this nostalgia for our new family of three isn’t just something I feel. My husband and I reminisced about it yesterday while we were sitting on our porch watching two new parents push their newborn in a stroller down our street. We agreed that while we know there was crying, and late nights, and the frustrations of having a newborn, we just don’t remember them. What we remember was the peacefulness, the time-standing-still-ness, the togetherness. And we both miss that.
Our lives now with a four-year-old and two-year-old are busy. Breaking up fights, rushing out the door to school, waiting for bedtime. But there’s also a house filled with daily, deep belly laughs. Two brothers that are best friends. And two exhausted, but really happy parents.
So what do you do about that time in your life that you miss so much? Maybe nothing. Maybe just remembering that time so fondly is all you can do. And be grateful for the time that you are in.